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AJAEN32
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1987-10-31
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36 lines
ANONYMOUS JONES'
AUSTRALIAN EMIGRATION NEWSLETTER #32
CHRISTMAS(?) IN AUSTRALIA
With the approaching Holiday Season and the return of our
Research Department from their myopic obsession with old
cars and obscure television shows, we have been flooded with
a request for an issue of AJAEN that deals with Christmas in
Australia. We are thus saddened to inform our readers that
there IS NO true Christmas in Australia. A comprehensive
survey of our staff reveals that the following things are
necessary for a TRUE Christmas: Pink plastic trees, cards
showing pictures of deep snow and cedar trees, songs about
sleighbells and fireplaces, cold winter weather, unemployed
actors dressed in red suits stuffed with pillows, plastic
reindeer with red noses, and long articles in TV Guide
deploring the commercialism of the religious festival. Even
though some of this stuff may be available in Australia on
special order, let's face it, songs about kiwifruits roasting
on open fires just ARE NOT the same, and it is one sure thing
that the weather is not going to be COLD there in mid-summer.
However, let not this you dismay, because psychologists tell
us after all that the Christmas season is boom-time each year
for suicides and morbid depression -- by quickly emigrating to
Christmas-less Australia, you will significantly improve your
chances for mental health, which is what this entire series is
about anyway! (And pay NO attention to all that Christmas stuff
on Australian TV each summer, what do THEY know...)
With best wishes and warm regards for you all in this holiday
season... -Anon
(C) 1985 by Anonymous Jones. All comments are welcome. Leave
them in the <C>omments Message Base addressed to ANONYMOUS JONES.